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Exploring the Different Types of Infidelity

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Exploring the Different Types of Infidelity

By: Allie

Understanding the different types of infidelity and signs of each type of affair.

Infidelity is a universal issue that affects nearly every human being. Whether you are the cheater, the partner being cheated on, or a family member/ friend of someone that is affected by infidelity in their marriage or relationship, we have all been affected by cheating in our lives at some point in time.

An affair can cause severe destruction and damage in a marriage or relationship. This is not to say that a marriage is not salvageable after an affair but the path to healing after infidelity has been discovered, can be a long and arduous journey for both the cheater and the partner that was cheated on with no guarantee that the marriage or relationship will be salvageable at the end of the path.

Many people struggle with the boundaries between platonic friendships and infidelity. In addition, it can be difficult for both partners to agree upon appropriate boundaries for friendships. Although this is not an easy conversation to have, it is very important to set clear boundaries in your marriage or relationship as to what is acceptable behavior and what type of behavior is unacceptable and crossing the line.

There are several different types of infidelity that can occur in a relationship. It is important to understand these types of affairs and the signs of each type so that both partners can set boundaries to ensure that their relationship is a thriving union between the two individuals. A great relationship will always take work.

There are two main categories of infidelity: Emotional and Physical Infidelity. An affair can be a combination of the different types of affairs and is not limited to just one type. For example, a person can be having a physical sexual affair while also committing emotional affair with the same person (that they are cheating with).

Emotional Infidelity:

Object Affair: This affair happens when one partner is pursuing an outside interest that may be to the point of obsession. This almost-obsessive interest in this outside person is causing the partner to neglect his/her relationship. While it is important for both partners to have interests outside of the relationship (and these outside interests should be encouraged by both parties), this newfound interest can become a major issue when it becomes all-consuming and takes top priority in one partner’s life.

Cyber Affair: A cyber affair is an act of infidelity that happens on the World Wide Web. This type of affair can exist in many different forms, including but not limited to: chatting, emailing, texting, sexting, or video chatting in a sexual context with someone outside of your marriage or relationship. On the other hand, cyber activities with your partner or spouse can be very healthy for the marriage or relationship and should be encouraged. For example, sexting your spouse or partner throughout the day can be great foreplay and help strengthen the romantic bond between you and your spouse. It is also a great way to stay connected to your spouse throughout the day.

Emotional Affair: This type of affair happens when one partner becomes emotionally attached to someone other than his/her spouse. If a partner starts to spend more time communicating with an outside person about very personal issues and/or has inside jokes with this outside person, this is an emotional affair and can be extremely damaging to the main relationship, even though there is no physical infidelity present. When one starts to share problems, issues, life goals, and dreams with someone other than your partner, it takes time and attention away from your relationship and can leave your partner feeling very hurt and insignificant in the relationship.

Physical Infidelity:

Sexual Affair: A sexual affair occurs when a partner has sexual relations outside the marriage or relationship. Many times, there is no deep emotional attachment to the sexual affair partner. Sexual affairs can cause deep trust issues and are usually an indication of a bigger issue in the marriage or relationship (that is not being discussed). Women are more likely to forgive a sexual affair as it usually means there is no emotional bond while men are not as likely to forgive a sexual affair (according to recent studies).

It is important to note that not everyone agrees that emotional affairs are an act of infidelity. Some believe that infidelity only happens if sexual intercourse is involved and emotional affairs are not cheating. Infidelity and what counts as cheating are important issues that you and your spouse need to discuss and communicate openly about. It is important to set marriage boundaries that both parties agree upon in order to have a happy and successful marriage.

XO, Allie

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Top Signs of a Workplace Affair

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We spend almost 1/3 of our lives at work, almost as much as time as we spend sleeping in our lifetime.  The workplace is where we spend the majority of our time in our lifetime, which is why the workplace is one of the top places for people to find their affair partners and cheat.  If your spouse or partner starts talking about a coworker a little too frequently, mentions talking with a colleague for advice about your own marriage / relationship, or starts spending lots of extra time at work without a real legitimate reason, keep reading for the top signs of a workplace affair.

Sign 1: Talks About a Coworker Frequently- Maybe Even Obsessively:

Your spouse or partner starts talking about a coworker frequently.  They will probably have really great things to say about this new person.  If you say anything that might be considered “negative” about this new person, they get very defensive and possibly angry that you have said such a thing about this newfound obsession.  This new person in their life is causing a “spark of interest” from your spouse or partner that doesn’t exist in your relationship. 

Sign 2: Gets “Advice” From Coworker About Your Marriage / Relationship Frequently:

If your partner mentions that they frequently speak to a coworker for advice about your relationship (& they could potentially be attracted to), take note.  It is never a good thing to speak more intimately about your marriage or relationship with someone outside of the marriage or relationship than you do with your spouse or partner.  If you start noticing that your partner is acting distant and is talking to a coworker more than they speak to you, try to find out more information about this coworker by asking your spouse or partner questions about their relationship with this newfound interest.  Pay attention to what your spouse tells you about this other person and also, make sure to take note of what they make sure to not tell you.  For example, you might ask them “How often do you and this coworker speak about our marriage?” and your partner responds with something along the lines of “I speak to them all the time because we work together.”  Notice that they didn’t answer the actual question but they did give you an answer that seems like they answered you… but not really.

Sign 3: Spending More Hours at Work:

On the flip side, your spouse might have a new “friend” at work that they only reveal limited or no information about to you.  In this case, your partner might be spending a lot more time away at work or taking more frequent “work trips”, etc.  To note, I am only speaking about those individuals whose jobs start at a certain time and end at a certain time (because I do understand that there are jobs where additional hours are required).  If your partner’s job requires no additional hours but they are spending a lot of extra time at work and the paycheck does not reflect these extra hours, it is time to start conducting your own investigationExercise your right to be informed.

Notice These Signs in Your Own Marriage or Relationship?

Pay close attention if you start to notice any of these signs from your partner.  Again, the workplace is where we spend 30% of our lives and more often than not, affairs are not something that happen overnight.  An affair usually starts with conversation(s) that turn into increasing feelings of attraction that finally bubble over and thus the affair occurs.  Once the affair happens, it might continue to happen over and over again before you ever find out the truth.  Your partner might become distant and uninterested in you and your marriage / relationship.  If this sounds like your situation, TAKE NOTE- Cheaters are liars and liars are going to lie.   

Exercise your right to be informed.  CONDUCT YOUR OWN INVESTIGATION (and abide by all state, federal, or country laws that apply to you where you live).

XO, Allie

Email me your marriage and relationship questions here!


What Counts As Cheating?

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Suspect Infidelity? Conduct Your Own Investigation at

Do you and your partner have different ideas as to what exactly counts as cheating?  Cheating can be difficult to define because everyone has a different perspective on exactly what type of behavior counts as infidelity in their relationship or marriage.  In a broad sense, cheating can be considered as betraying a partner’s expectations about the type of contact one has with other people.

Betrayal is different for everyone.  When a husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend violates one’s expectations of what is appropriate contact, the partner will feel betrayed.  Keep in mind that relationships are influenced by our emotions and not always based on logic.

Because of this, cheating can be hard to define because everyone has different expectations for their romantic partners- no two couples are exactly alike!  What one person considers appropriate contact with other people is unique to that person and relationship.

Below is a list of examples of what some may consider as unacceptable behavior in a relationship and/or marriage:

  • Flirting with others
  • Engaging in sexual talk with someone outside of the relationship
  • Exchanging personal emails or text messages
  • Denying being married or in a relationship
  • Spending time with specific individuals
  • Engaging in specific types of contact- e.g. sleeping in the same bed with another person
  • Purchasing intimate gifts and presents for others
  • Chatting online with someone else
  • Engaging in an online affair with someone else
  • Having sexual contact with someone else (physical infidelity)
  • Becoming emotionally involved with someone else (emotional affair)
  • Developing a crush or feelings for another person
  • Sharing their most private thoughts and feelings with someone else
  • Becoming best friends with someone of the opposite sex
  • Talking or hanging out with an ex
  • Talking about sex with someone else
  • Attending bachelor/bachelorette parties
  • Going to a strip club
  • Texting pictures to someone else
  • Discussing relationship issues with someone outside of the marriage or relationship

Defining what counts as cheating can be a very gray area because again, everyone has a different opinion as to what counts as infidelity.  The important thing is to discuss what counts as cheating with your partner or spouse and that the two of you come to an agreement as to what is acceptable contact with people outside of the marriage or relationship.  For example, some people don’t consider flirting to be cheating but for others, flirting is the pathway that leads to infidelity and therefore is a no-no in a relationship or marriage.    

Many problems arise in relationships because people do not see eye-to-eye on what counts as cheating.  This is why it is important to discuss the acceptable boundaries of contact with your partner.  Many people do not like to define what cheating is in a relationship because if they keep the rules and boundaries vague and ambiguous, it makes it easier for them to cheat.  It’s much easier to deceive both oneself and a partner about cheating when the rules aren’t clear.

XO, Allie

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5 Discreet Ways To Catch a Cheater

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Conduct Your Own Investigation- SHOP NOW

Do you suspect your partner is cheating on you?  Is your gut instinct telling you that something is wrong in your marriage or relationship?  If you answered yes, keep reading for 5 clever ways to catch your cheating partner.

Remember, a cheating spouse is a liar and a liar is going to LIE!  Plain and simple.  You can confront your cheating partner as many times as you want but more than likely, they will continue to lie to you about their extramarital affairs.  Cheaters are selfish and it benefits them to lie about their sneaky ways.  Why would they admit the truth now?

If you feel that something is off in your marriage or relationship, you are probably right.  Our gut instinct is very intuitive.  You have probably been noticing minor behavioral and emotional changes with your spouse or partner but because they are minor changes,it makes it hard to pinpoint why you are feeling the way you are feeling.  It is usually an accumulation of feelings that is leading you to feel that your partner is cheating on you.

Have you tried to confront your partner about your feelings but they insist that you are being paranoid?  Do they turn the tables and get mad at you for even suggesting that they are carrying on an affair?  Keep reading for 5 discreet ways to catch your cheating partner.  Sometimes you have to find out the truth for yourself.

5 Discreet Ways To Catch a Cheating Partner:

1.  Drop By Unannounced:

Drop by unannounced at their workplace or come home early one day without telling your spouse.  Don’t make it obvious that you are spying on them.  Make sure you have a great excuse as to why you are stopping by unannounced, for example, bringing them lunch or dinner.  If your partner or spouse is cheating on you, instead of reacting as if they are happy to see you, they will become angry or extremely nervous that you have stopped by unannounced.  If they do act as if they are angry or anxious, take note, especially if you stopped by their workplace.  A majority of affairs begin at the workplace as a friendship.  Your cheating spouse will not be happy to see you.

2.  Check Their Recycle Bin:

If your partner is constantly on their computer, make sure you check their recycle bin often.  A computer’s trash can is a great place to dispose of things that you don’t want someone else to see.  You might find clues as to what your partner is doing when you aren’t around.  You might find a photo of the other person or some information about them that will be useful in conducting your own investigation.

3.  Change Your Sleeping Habits:

If your partner is carrying on an affair, chances are that they have changed their sleeping habits to facilitate communication with the other person.  They might use work as an excuse to explain why they are staying up later or you might catch them sneaking around the house at late hours of the night.  Pretend to go to bed like normal but in reality, stay up and see if your partner is exhibiting any of these behaviors.  Do they get up and leave bed for long periods of time?

Some partners may even get up early to get on their phone to communicate with their lover, especially if they suspect that you are catching onto their lies.

4.  Follow Them After A Fight:

It is very common for cheating lovers to pick a fight with their spouse so that they can slam the door and walk away from your home.  This gives them a great excuse to slip away for a period of time without having to give you a reason as to where they are going or what they are doing.  If you have been noticing this behavior, discreetly follow them after you fight.  They might unknowingly lead you straight to the truth you are seeking to find.

5.  Initiate Spontaneous Sex:

The next time your spouse or partner unexpectedly comes home late, try initiating spontaneous sex with them when they get home.  Chances are if your spouse is carrying on a secret affair, he or she will try to avoid having sex with you at all costs, especially if they just got done having sex with someone else.  This is usually more obvious if you are a girl and trying to find out if your boyfriend or husband is carrying on a secret affair.  It is probably going to be very difficult for your man to get it back up again right after he just got done having sex with his secret lover.

If you are certain that your partner is carrying on a secret affair, the next step is to gather evidence of their cheating ways.  You will want to make sure you gather your proof BEFORE you confront your lover.  After all, they have been lying to you this entire time, why would they stop now?  You will want to gather hard evidence and then confront your lover with your findings.

Infidelity does not have to mean the end of a relationship or marriage but it does mean that there are major problems in the relationship that need to be worked out.  Many marriages and relationships are able to survive infidelity and come out even stronger in the end, but the truth MUST be out first.

Conduct your own investigation at our official online spy store Cheaters Spy Shop (SHOP NOW:

XO, Allie