What To Do When You Think Your Partner Is Having an Affair

If you suspect your partner is having an affair or is being emotionally unfaithful, do not lose hope. An affair does not necessarily mean the end of your relationship or marriage.

Statistically speaking

Approximately 20% of affairs last less than 2 months

Approximately 50% of affairs last more than 1 month but less than 1 year

The remaining 30% last more than a year

Very few last more than 4 years

Around 3% result in marriage

There are some steps you need to take if you suspect your partner of being unfaithful. While this is no guarantee that your relationship will survive, these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair is over.

Gather evidence

Cheaters will deny, deny, deny. As seen on our show, cheaters will be caught red-handed during an affair and they will still deny they’re having an affair! They’ll jump up as they’re putting their clothes back and tell you “it’s not what it looks like.” This step is to confirm your suspicions so you can take the next step by confronting your partner. Be careful when gathering evidence though, some states have very specific laws on what you are allowed to do and what you aren’t allowed to do. A few common places to look for evidence is their emails, joint cell phone bill, and text and picture messages if they leave their phone unlocked.


Disclose the affair to a person of authority that you can trust and respect. This person should be pro-marriage or pro-relationship. This person can be one of his or her parents, religious leader, a teacher, or even a therapist. Meet with this person in confidence and make sure you explain that you expect them to keep these matters completely confidential. Explain to them that your partner is having an affair and that you need guidance. If you can, show them the evidence you have collected. Then ask them to help support you while you discuss with your partner about the affair.


Go to your partner directly and let them know you know about their affair and that you have evidence that proves it. Don’t tell them what evidence you have or where it is located but just that you know about the affair. Then you need to tell your partner that in order for this relationship to work, the affair needs to end immediately. Ask your partner point blank to end the affair. Make sure they understand that by ending the affair, it means that they can no longer have any kind of contact with the other person. Your partner also needs to agree to share all passwords to all accounts with you. This will hold them accountable for their decision. If they aren’t open to doing this, you need to reevaluate your relationship and whether or not you can ever trust your partner again.

In my next blog, I’ll explain the next steps you need to take to mend your relationship after an affair. So stay tuned!


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