What Should I Do When I’m the Other Person?

Dear Allie,

I am guilty. What should I do? Another man’s wife came on to me at work, which soon turned into an affair. At first it felt like love at first sight. We were both really happy then later down the line, the arguments started happening. I argue with her because I feel she is not telling me the truth or other words, not being real with me and knowing me, I eventually find things out.

Anyhow, we were in love and several months later, she now wants to be the good wife and stop seeing me but still wants to be friends. Now, I fell in love with her and I know I shouldn’t have but it happened. I can’t be friends with her when I feel totally differently about her. I am trying not to love her but I have to see her face at work. She begs me not to say a word to anyone. If someone were to find out, she loses her husband, in-laws, job, and respect from her parents. I, on the other hand, will only lose my job but it is eating me up inside. I’m so confused. Should I tell someone or stay quiet? Should I move on? If so, how [do I do that] with this obsession I have with her? I need help bad.

ALLIE’S ANSWER

You’ve got to move on! The reason you feel that she isn’t telling you the truth and not being real with you is because the relationship between the two of you began with lies and is based on lies. Having an affair with a married person is hard because truthfully, she probably never had any intention of leaving her husband to begin with. The probability of a cheater leaving their spouse to be with the other person is very, very small.

You filled a void that her husband didn’t fulfill. Sorry to be harsh but now that she’s gotten her jollies, she’s ready to move on and it isn’t with you. It may be difficult seeing her face at work but I suggest you cut off all contact with her and move on with your life. Unless you have a backup job already in place, I wouldn’t tell anyone at work because then not only have you lost your love, you’re also jobless and that can be a dangerous combination for the self-esteem. Consider this a life lesson learned.

It’s never easy being the other person when true feeling start to develop but you must remember that the relationship began with lies and is based on lies. Even if you two were to form an actual relationship, how could you ever trust a woman who was willing to deceive her husband? If she can do it to him, she could certainly do it to you.

XO,
Allie

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