My Husband Claims To Not Be Cheating But Asked For a Divorce, What Do I Do?

Dear Allie,

My husband works for a company that is predominantly men but now they have been sending women out into the field with them. This means they stay together 24/7, sometimes for weeks and months at a time. My husband feels these women are only employees but about 8 months ago, rumors started going around his company that he was sleeping with one of these girls. I say “girls” because at the time, she was only 20 and he is 40. He swears there is no way in hell he would jeopardize his career or marriage doing something that stupid but 3 weeks after the rumors started, he asked for a divorce.

He has explained why he wants a divorce and his reasons have nothing to do with her, it is an issue we have but everyone believes he is cheating. She tells everyone he is old enough to be her father and denies it. Neither one of us have filed for divorce; me because I don’t want it and believe it can be fixed and him, well I’m not sure why. He hasn’t moved out yet either. I have only seen him twice in the last 4 months, partly because his job keeps him away most of the time anyway and partly because he doesn’t want to see me. He didn’t even come to our daughter’s wedding. We do talk on the phone; sometimes he’s nice and other times, he’s not.

The girl has started posting pictures of the two of them on Facebook. They do appear to be innocent but still. He refuses to even discuss whether or not he is cheating with her because he says it’s a stupid question. People constantly harass me about it, telling me to get rid of him. So I would like to get your opinion, what do you think?

ALLIE’S ANSWER

Cheaters always have an excuse for everything, literally everything. The smart ones have thought it out carefully beforehand and have an answer for pretty much every question you could possibly come up with. The not-so-smart cheaters will scramble to make up answers to your questions about his or her unfaithfulness but nonetheless, will always have an answer for everything (sometimes the answers make sense, other times the answers are just nonsense).

Instead of being reassuring that he is not cheating, your husband just tells you that it’s stupid for you to even consider that an affair is going on. That indicates to me that there is something fishy going on.

I certainly think it could be a possibility that your husband is up to no good. The fact that other people have mentioned to you that he might be cheating is a bad sign. People talk because they are also noticing his out-of-the-ordinary behavior. It is very unsettling that he asked for a divorce 3 weeks after women started working out in the field with the men at his place of work.

However at the end of the day, the fact that he has asked for a divorce indicates to me that he is done with the marriage. I know this is hard to hear but it’s the truth. I think you need to prepare to end the marriage and cut ties with him. Be a woman who knows her worth. You don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t want to be with you.

XO,
Allie


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