Is My Boyfriend Of Three Years Cheating On Me?

man texting- ask allie- 8-19-13Dear Allie,

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I feel that he’s cheating on me. There were a few times in the past he has asked girls for pictures. I confronted him about it and he denied it. Then when we had a computer, I would see a lot of porn sites. He said those were pop-ups but pop-ups don’t show on your history. He’s always out late at night. It takes him forever to text me back when he is out. I have to call him over and over to get a hold of him. Just recently, he said he was curious as to what was on F*ckbook. He said he didn’t know they showed nude pictures. We have kids together. He won’t let me go with him to his friends. He calls girls sexy names like that. He told my friend (he didn’t know at the time she was my friend) that he was in a relationship but we are having problems. He even asked her for pictures. I see him hugging his female friends- they’re not friendly hugs. This has been going on most of our relationship.

I love him. That’s why I haven’t left him. Am I just overreacting or is he cheating or thinking about it? When I confront him about anything, he denies it. I know this is all over the place. I’m just stressing that he’s cheating on me and just using me. Because I pay rent, his phone bill, for his cigarettes, and whatever else he needs. Sometimes when I call him, he won’t even say “I love you” to me. I’m so worried. My friends and family are telling me he is cheating and that I should of left him.

Stressed

Dear Stressed,

I think we, as women, sometimes don’t know if we are overreacting about a situation or if we have legitimate concerns that need to be discussed and solved, whatever the outcome may be. In your case, I would definitely have to say the latter. If your man hasn’t cheated already, he’s planning on cheating on you in the future. Maybe he doesn’t know with whom yet or when it’s going to take place but his behavior indicates that he is looking outside of the relationship for “romantic fun.”

Your boyfriend of 3 years and father of your children is asking other girls for pictures, asked YOUR FRIEND for pictures, is looking around on F*ckbook (which let’s be honest, the name in itself pretty much explains exactly what the site is), won’t let you see his friends, calls other girls sexy names, and is always going out without you. Is it cheating? I guess that would depend on your definition but in my book, that kind of stuff is not okay.

Every couple has their own lines that they have to draw as to what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior in their relationship. I don’t suggest trying to control your boyfriend’s every move but the two of you need to have a serious talk about your relationship and why your boyfriend feels the need to have all of this “romantic fun” outside of your relationship. If he’s completely unwilling to stop his inappropriate behavior and shows no sign of change in the days that follow, I surely hope you will be strong and tell him to hit the road! It will be hard at first but it’s better than always wondering what he’s doing, where’s he at, who he’s with, who he’s talking to on the phone, who he’s messaging online… ALL THE TIME. I’ve been there before! It isn’t fun and seriously, stress kills. Although heartbreak isn’t fun either, it is temporary. If your boyfriend continues on with his inappropriate behavior, you are always going to be stressed and worried. Plus, all of that stress on you is going to affect your kids.

There will always be someone else. Don’t waste your time, money, and energy on someone who doesn’t care about you and your feelings whatsoever. Your family and friends want you to leave him because he doesn’t treat you right. If he doesn’t want to shape up his behavior and start acting like a boyfriend, then he should be single. If he wants to continue to be with you, he will straighten out his behavior. It’s that simple. The choice is his.

And remember, denial is the most common human response.

XO,
Allie

P.S. Have any of you ever been in this situation before? How did you handle it? Respond in the comments below.

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