I Found My Husband On Dating & Hookup Sites, Is He Cheating?

2-3-aDear Allie,

My husband and I have been together 3 years, married for 2! We have a beautiful 9-month old daughter together! When I was around 5 months pregnant, I went through his phone and found him talking to girls but he said that they were just friends he worked with.

Since then, I have caught him on porn sites, dating sites, F*ckbook, live porn shows, and this & that. I have seen “[Cams dot com]”on our bank records and I asked him about it. He said he bought me a camera. I didn’t believe it so I checked it out and came to find out it was live porn chat he was paying for! Meanwhile I’m his pregnant wife!

One night I took him out with friends and wanted to go home to have “us time,” but he said he didn’t feel like it. So I laid in bed for about an hour acting like I was asleep. Then I hear him sneaking off the bed. I give him a minute and roll over and ask him what he’s doing. He said throwing a tissue away as he is throwing his phone on the bed. I grab it and see it was porn on his phone. So I reach down and he is exposed and erect so I was like “yeah, you’re really throwing something away.” We fought, he took his phone and slammed it on the ground and shattered it then had me (5 months pregnant) shoved up on the wall yelling at me because I caught him.

I couldn’t trust him and I still can’t trust him because I’ve caught him on it multiple times after. Three days after I had our daughter, he was on two of his ex girlfriends’ Facebook pages! I was beyond hurt! He thinks I overreact but I don’t because it hurts me! I couldn’t trust him around our daughter because his addiction as calls it, was so bad! He is checking girls out all the time now. Deleting his history and text messages. Hides his phone whenever someone calls and when I ask who it is, he says “don’t worry about it, you’re too nosy!”

He has been really distant lately, coming home from work and getting directly in the shower. He says he is too tired to have sex when I want to or he just flat out says “no!” and that hurts my feelings and is embarrassing!

Do you think he is cheating on me? We fight every day and are never happy anymore.

-Confused & Hurt

Dear Confused & Hurt,

First and foremost, any man that lays a hand on a pregnant woman is no respectable man. Secondly, a cheater will ALWAYS deny, deny, deny! Getting defensive is a good indication you are not being told the truth. I can definitely understand your trust issues, especially when you have indicated to him that what he is doing is inappropriate and he is still continuing his illicit activities.

Now as to your question of whether or not he is cheating is dependent on what you define as cheating in your marriage. You have already stated that he has been on dating websites (which by the way, why would you need to be on a dating site if you are married? Dating sites are for single people for anyone wondering.) and even a “hook-up” dating site where people go to find others to have sex with! It’s difficult for me to state that he has physically committed adultery if there is no proof of him doing it, for example, you have video evidence of your husband hooking up with another woman. However, if you consider being on these types of sites as adultery, then yes, he has committed adultery in your marriage!

Like you’ll see on our show, cheaters will be presented with video evidence of their cheating ways and still try to deny the facts. My advice to you is to gather your evidence and see for yourself what your husband is doing when you aren’t around but make sure to gather your evidence first before you approach him because it sounds like he will most certainly get angry and irrational. Get your plan together as to what you will do if you do find proof of his infidelity before you approach him and try to stay as calm as possible when approaching him with any evidence found. You have a right to know what’s going on in your marriage!

XO,
Allie

Email me your relationship & infidelity questions: AskAllie@Cheaters.com

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