Do I Forgive My Husband Who Has a History of Talking to Other Women?

12/2/11

Dear Allie,

I have been married to my husband for 6 months after being together for over a year. Two months later, we had our handsome son. I thought we were all happy as a family with the birth of our son. A week or so later, I noticed that he started to be goo goo eyes and smiling into his phone and when I ask why, he made it seem like it was something else. I got a hold of his phone one night and found that he had been having sex talk with random females and was exchanging nude pictures and videos. It’s not as drastic as having a physical affair but it had the same effect as if he did.

I also found messages of him talking to a friend about how he always wanted to be the special guy in her life and how he feels like they would have a great and happy life together. We talked, I later forgave him, and we started working things out. A week later, I found him trying to meet up with another woman and after I confronted him, I wasn’t even done packing my stuff when he was inviting her to the house to be his new woman.

I moved out and we are currently trying to work on things but the trust I have for him is gone. After him going behind my back, meeting another woman at his job, conversing with her about buying her child something, and who knows what else, I’ve just had enough.

I want to be with him because I sincerely love him and I know he feels the same but that doesn’t keep people from stepping out. I just feel that he might still be seeing other women even though he’s been trying really hard to make things work with me.

Being that we are 2 hours away now and he is saying that he is starting to work double shifts, it makes it even harder for me to trust him. What should I do?

ALLIE’S ANSWER

First and foremost, you have got to stop making excuses for your husband’s behavior. Yes, “sex talking” with other women may not be a physical affair but it is just as bad! It’s all cheating!

Your husband invited another woman to the house before you had even moved out. That’s inexcusable. If he had any sort of respect for you as a wife, he would have never even thought to do that.

Your husband’s lack of respect for you seems to be the biggest issue in your marriage. You don’t do these kinds of things to someone you love and respect. He has continuously gone behind your back to talk and meet with other woman. He clearly doesn’t want to be in a marriage even though he might say that he is.

Don’t be fooled by him sweet talking you into thinking that he is done with his cheating ways. If a cheater is really sorry, they stop cheating after being caught the first time. You’ve caught him multiple times already; it’s a habit now. He isn’t going to stop. Actions speak louder than words.

XO,
Allie

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