Discovering An Affair


There are very few things in life as enraging as finding out your partner had an affair.

The initial discovery can trigger a plethora of powerful emotions- shock, rage, shame, depression, guilt, remorse. It is possible that you will cycle through these emotions in a single day, vowing to leave your partner one minute and then wanting to save your marriage the next and back again; it can be a vicious cycle. Without a doubt, it’s tough and it will be tough for a while.

It’s important to take it one step at a time.

• Give each other space. The discovery of an affair can be very intense for both partners. It is never good to have discussions when emotions are running high. Take a timeout when things are getting heated to regroup and calm down.

• Get support. A therapist or counselor can really do wonders. If a therapist is not an option, share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a spiritual leader. Objective support can help you figure out why you feel the way you do and put the affair into perspective.

• Take your time. Take time to absorb the situation and avoid getting into the intimate details of the affair right away. The goal is to have a constructive conversation with your partner, not a heated argument that is never-ending.

Next, I will be discussing how to mend a broken marriage. Infidelity does not necessarily have to mean the end of your marriage but it does indicate that there are underlying marital problems that need to be addressed if you and your partner are going to try to work things out. Stay tuned!


P.S. Word to the wise, if your partner has been caught cheating and doesn’t seem sorry about it, it’s because they aren’t.

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