4/10/12

CheaterVille.com, a website where people can publicly post a cheater, randomly sampled the last three months’ worth of postings submitted to their website online through their LGBT feature. They found some interesting statistics about the LGBT community!

• 70% of alleged cheaters posted through the LBGT feature on CheaterVille are males who have cheated on their male partners. In comparison, 81% of alleged cheaters posted in the straight community are women.

• With respect to cheating females posted through the LGBT feature, Los Angeles was rated the number one spot, while New York City, Toronto and Chicago came in a close second, third and fourth respectively.

• With respect to cheating males posted through the LGBT feature, New York City was rated the number one spot, while San Francisco, Montreal and Los Angeles came in second, third and fourth respectively.

• 39% of the victims who posted about an alleged cheating incident within the LGBT community indicated that they met the cheater on Craigslist, Grindr and/or Plenty Of Fish in comparison to the 35% of victims who met the cheater at a local bar/nightclub.

• 19% of alleged cheaters posted through the LGBT feature on CheaterVille are males who have cheated on their wife with another male, while 14% are females who have cheated on their husband with another female.

• The average age of an alleged cheater in the LGBT community is 28, and the majority are Geminis.

XO,
Allie

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3/26/12

Are you suspicious that your partner is having an affair? Are things just not adding up? If you find yourself having the “gut” feeling that something is wrong in your relationship, keep reading to find out what the top signs of infidelity are and if any of these signs hold true for you. Keep in mind that your partner could be exhibiting all of these signs and not be having an affair (it is possible that there are other explanations for these behaviors listed below). Also, your partner could be exhibiting none of these signs and be having an affair.

1. Your partner has become emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed. Most cheaters will exhibit this behavior. Your partner will usually become disinterested in his/her regular life. Their attitude will start to shift. They become less interested in showing affection for you.

2. The unfaithful partner has become angry, critical and even cruel at times. If your partner is being unfaithful, they will often become verbally and emotionally abusive. They may constantly be putting you down and have zero patience with you. Does your partner often complain about the most trivial things? Do you feel that you can’t make your partner happy no matter what you do? Do you feel that you can’t do anything right? These are tell-tale signs that your partner is cheating.

3. Your partner accuses you of being very “controlling.” Often those who are guilty, complain that their partner is being too overbearing and controlling. Does your partner complain about you “watching” them even though you’re asking very little of what they are doing? Not giving them enough space? Smothering them? If there are “control” issues in your relationship, your relationship may be at risk.

4. Increase in working hours, after work meetings or events, business trips and working out of town more often. Is your partner starting to spend more time at work and less time with you without an explanation?

5. Paying extra attention to their appearance. Has your partner started paying much closer attention to their physical appearance? Are they buying new clothes? Losing weight? Working out more? Primping more? This sign is indicative that they are trying to impress a new person in their life.

6. They are less interested in sex. If your partner has no interest in your sex life, this can mean they are getting it somewhere else.

Remember, your “gut” instinct is usually correct!

XO,
Allie

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3/22/12

At last week’s South by Southwest Panel, “The Algorithm Method: Love In The Social Media Age,” Helen Fisher, Ph.D., biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for online dating sites Match.com and Chemistry.com, stated that an indicator of cheating is a high testosterone level.

When patients are injected with testosterone, it not only heightens sex drive but also a tendency towards narcissism. According to Fisher, women are better at cheating and not getting caught, perhaps because females do not produce nearly as much testosterone as males do.

“You don’t often catch the women. Because women naturally think more contextually. They consider long term vision and potential consequences much more thoroughly before acting,” said Fisher.

Fisher has scanned over 40,000 brains in her research.

So there you have it, women are better at cheating and not getting caught because we think more about our actions; it’s scientific fact!

XO,
Allie

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3/8/12

Recovering after discovering an affair is going to be difficult. It will take a continuous and ongoing effort from both you and your partner to heal a marriage or relationship after an affair has been revealed. If you and your partner both want to save the marriage or relationship, consider these steps to promote healing and recovery:

• Take responsibility if you were the one that cheated. End the affair and any and all interaction and communication with the other person. You need to accountable for your actions.

• Be honest. The initial shock will be hard but once it’s over, discuss openly and honestly what happened. It’s going to be difficult to talk or hear about the affair but it’s a necessary step.

• Recognize that it will take time, energy and commitment to heal and recover the marriage or relationship from both partners. It is not going to happen overnight. It will be a long and difficult process sorting out what happened, why, and whether your relationship can heal from it.

• Consult a marriage or relationship counselor. Get help from a licensed counselor that is experienced in dealing with infidelity. It can help you put the affair into perspective, identify issues that may have contributed to the affair, learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and save the relationship, provided that is the mutual goal.

• Gain trust back. Going to counseling together is a way to confirm your commitment to the marriage or relationship. It will help to prevent secrecy from continuing to harm your relationship. If you are the cheater, you may be ready to move forward and put the affair behind you but it is important to let your partner recover at his or her pace.

• Forgive. Infidelity is devastating and heartbreaking. It will be difficult to forgive but it may become easier over time.

It’s important to note that not every marriage or relationship can or should be saved. Sometimes the damage is done and there is nothing that can be done to reconcile the relationship. But if you and your partner are both committed to recovering and rebuilding your relationship, your partnership may end up being stronger than it’s ever been.

XO,
Allie

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