Ask Allie

Need Advice? Ask Allie!


Relationships are tricky. Whether you are dating, married, divorced, or not even sure where you stand, our resident love expert is here to help. If you have a relationship question and need advice, just Ask Allie!

My Girlfriend Has Stopped Saying She Loves Me, Is She Cheating?

Dear Allie,

I just moved to a new city not too long ago and my girlfriend says that she is staying with two couples or either she’s at her brother’s house. However, every time I tell her “I love you very very much” or I say, “I miss you very very much,” she just says “ok” or “me too.” She is always at either her friend’s or brother’s house when we talk on the phone and I believe she is not saying it out loud because she is with another man. She says she not seeing anyone besides me but it does not make any sense why she does tell me that she loves me or misses me. So what do you think is really going on behind those closed doors when she says that she is at her brother’s or friend’s house?

ALLIE’S ANSWER

Well, there are 2 possibilities that would explain her behavior.

1. She’s just really not that into you.
2. She is cheating on you.

Your girlfriend may be too afraid to end the relationship or you might be right and there is another man in the picture. Either way, it doesn’t sound like she really wants to be in the relationship. A girl that loves you will tell you that she loves you.

I’m sorry to say this but I think it’s time for you to end the relationship. Find yourself a woman who truly loves you.

XO,
Allie

My Husband Claims To Not Be Cheating But Asked For a Divorce, What Do I Do?

Dear Allie,

My husband works for a company that is predominantly men but now they have been sending women out into the field with them. This means they stay together 24/7, sometimes for weeks and months at a time. My husband feels these women are only employees but about 8 months ago, rumors started going around his company that he was sleeping with one of these girls. I say “girls” because at the time, she was only 20 and he is 40. He swears there is no way in hell he would jeopardize his career or marriage doing something that stupid but 3 weeks after the rumors started, he asked for a divorce.

He has explained why he wants a divorce and his reasons have nothing to do with her, it is an issue we have but everyone believes he is cheating. She tells everyone he is old enough to be her father and denies it. Neither one of us have filed for divorce; me because I don’t want it and believe it can be fixed and him, well I’m not sure why. He hasn’t moved out yet either. I have only seen him twice in the last 4 months, partly because his job keeps him away most of the time anyway and partly because he doesn’t want to see me. He didn’t even come to our daughter’s wedding. We do talk on the phone; sometimes he’s nice and other times, he’s not.

The girl has started posting pictures of the two of them on Facebook. They do appear to be innocent but still. He refuses to even discuss whether or not he is cheating with her because he says it’s a stupid question. People constantly harass me about it, telling me to get rid of him. So I would like to get your opinion, what do you think?

ALLIE’S ANSWER

Cheaters always have an excuse for everything, literally everything. The smart ones have thought it out carefully beforehand and have an answer for pretty much every question you could possibly come up with. The not-so-smart cheaters will scramble to make up answers to your questions about his or her unfaithfulness but nonetheless, will always have an answer for everything (sometimes the answers make sense, other times the answers are just nonsense).

Instead of being reassuring that he is not cheating, your husband just tells you that it’s stupid for you to even consider that an affair is going on. That indicates to me that there is something fishy going on.

I certainly think it could be a possibility that your husband is up to no good. The fact that other people have mentioned to you that he might be cheating is a bad sign. People talk because they are also noticing his out-of-the-ordinary behavior. It is very unsettling that he asked for a divorce 3 weeks after women started working out in the field with the men at his place of work.

However at the end of the day, the fact that he has asked for a divorce indicates to me that he is done with the marriage. I know this is hard to hear but it’s the truth. I think you need to prepare to end the marriage and cut ties with him. Be a woman who knows her worth. You don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t want to be with you.

XO,
Allie

I’m In Love With a Beautiful Girl But I’m Afraid of What Might Happen, What Should I Do?

Dear Allie,

I’m in a 3-month relationship with the most beautiful girl ever but that’s the problem, she is so beautiful and my past relationship is interfering with my relationship right now. I can’t focus on us because I’m afraid of what’s going to happen with her and she says she is known for hurting people. What should I do?

ALLIE’S ANSWER

I truly believe that sometimes, we are our own worst enemy. We unknowingly sabotage things in our lives because we feel that we don’t deserve them. We are so fearful of the future that we forget to live in the moment because we’re constantly thinking about the future.

You can’t be fearful of what’s going to happen with her. You’re a lucky man to have a beautiful woman and if it ends tomorrow, it’s going to happen. It is what it is. There isn’t anything you can do other than treat her with respect, love, and kindness. We can’t control others or the future; you can only control yourself and your actions and behavior. You are the master of your own destiny. Leave the past in the past and enjoy being with a beautiful woman. Forget about your past relationship and live for today!

XO,
Allie

What Is Going On With My Long-Distance Relationship?

Dear Allie,

I am 27 and my partner is 31 and we have been together for 1.5 years. Half of the time we were (and still are) long distance because I go to graduate school in another state. Our relationship has always been rocky but we stayed together because we love each other. However in the past few months, our sex life has become almost non-existent (no matter if we are together or apart) because he just doesn’t want it with me that much.

He started only calling me once a day as opposed to multiple times a day and he stopped video-chatting with me completely. A few days ago, he requested that we only talk about 2-3 times per week because he is busy and too stressed out and having to talk to me every day adds more pressure on him and drains me.

I feel like he may be cheating on me. And yeah, I am not on his Facebook and he has passwords on everything. The issue is, because I am not [physically] close to him, I do not know how to prove that he is cheating. Every time he explains his behavior to me, it even makes sense to me and I calm down for that day but then that feeling that he is just lying to keep me around creeps in the very next day and it has been like that for awhile. When I talk to him about it, he gets mad at me for even thinking that he is cheating. What can a person do to get evidence (or to have peace of mind if there is nothing to worry about) if we live in different states? I am going to visit him in 1.5 months but I am afraid I will go nuts before then.

ALLIE’S ANSWER

I can completely sympathize with you because I’ve been in several long-distance relationships before and it’s tough! Staying together when you’ve got so much distance between the two of you is not easy. My boyfriend (at the time) lived only a few hours from me; I can only imagine how difficult it is to be in different states! Distance can really eat away at your relationship!

Truthfully, I think it’s quite odd that he finds talking to you stressful. Talking with your significant other (other than fighting) shouldn’t be a strenuous event but rather something you enjoy doing. This is a big red flag to me because why is having a conversation with you about what’s going on in his life and your life, not fun or enjoyable? To me, being significant others means that you are friends and enjoy each other’s company, right?

A couple of other red flags are that he no longer wants to video-chat with you when it’s something you used to do as well as a lack of sexual intimacy. Behavioral changes are a major indicator of infidelity. While I can’t say 100% that he is cheating based off of what you have told me, it certainly seems that something is going on in his life that you aren’t aware of.

In addition, the fact that he gets defensive instead of being reassuring when you bring up the possibility of him cheating is another strong indicator of cheating. I would certainly say that your boyfriend is exhibiting signs of a cheater with his behavior.

It might be that he is just having second thoughts about your relationship because the distance has strained it or it is definitely a possibility that he might be cheating on you. As for gathering evidence, I’m not sure what you can do when you aren’t in the same state with him. Therefore, I would suggest having a serious phone conversation with him about your relationship. You might not be able to get straight answers out of him (you usually can’t with a cheater!) but you can at least explain your feelings and let him decide if he wants to continue to be in the relationship and make a bigger effort. Better yet, do YOU want to continue to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to talk to you?

Just remember, a relationship is about two people, not one person dictating how things are going to be. Let him know what YOU need in this relationship!! It goes both ways!!

XO,
Allie