Ask Allie

My Husband Is Constantly Calling and Texting Other Girls

Dear Allie,

My husband and I have been married for a little over 4 months and things have been kind of shaky. He has cheated on me in the past and I took him back every time.

We have a 15-month-old son and I would like very much for us to be a happy family. But he has been calling and texting females from his job when I’m not around. He calls them as soon as I get out of the car to go to work. He says nothing is going on and they are just friends but they talk all the time and this is exactly how things started with the previous two girls. We both work at the same place and the girls he’s talking to always give me dirty looks when they see me.

I don’t know what to do because I love him so much and I want things to work out. I turned my back on friends and family who tried to tell me to leave him and I don’t want to look stupid again. I have confronted him and every time, he gets mad and tells me that I’m living in the past and asks why I can’t see that he’s changed. He says he wouldn’t have married me if he wanted to be messing with other girls. But the last time he cheated on me, we were engaged to be married. And after I found out, he called it off. I have really bad trust issues with him as you can imagine but I love him and want things to work. So I guess my question is, do you think I have something to be worried about? Or am I just being overly sensitive because he’s hurt me before?

ALLIE’S ANSWER:

You have every right to be worried. His behavior is 100% suspicious! If he is having to wait to call or text these female “friends” until after he’s dropped you off, he is definitely doing things he doesn’t want you to know.

A cheater is going to deny, deny, deny. They will come up with every excuse in the book to “prove” to you that they are not cheating.

If he’s cheated on you multiple times in the past, he is certainly capable of cheating on you again. He doesn’t seem to have much remorse for his past indiscretions. It is one thing to make a one-time mistake and learn from it. It is a much different story to continuously make the same bad choices over and over. That is what I call a habit… and habits are hard to change.

It is very difficult for me to say that you should leave your husband because you have a 15-month-old son involved. However, parents that are together but constantly unhappy are not a great environment for a child either, especially if there is constant upheaval from your husband’s suspicious behavior. The two of you fighting all the time is a far worse environment than 2 single and happy parents. You deserve to be happy.  Best of luck to you and your son.

XO,
Allie



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Is My Husband Cheating? I Found An Incriminating Receipt…

7/9/12

Dear Allie,

I’ve been married to the same man for 5 years now. Recently, I found a receipt that said he bought one single condom. When confronted, he said he bought them for us but we had sex twice since he bought it and it was not used. We have not used condoms in about 5 1/2 months. Could he have bought it for someone else?

ALLIE’S ANSWER

Yes. I’m sorry to say this but he is probably cheating on you. You haven’t used condoms in 5.5 months, you haven’t used a condom the past two times you had sex since he bought the condom… and he bought one condom.

I wish you all the best. Karma is a b.

XO,
Allie

How Can I Save My Relationship?

Dear Allie,

I’m currently in a relationship with a guy and everything went well in the past few months until all of the sudden he decided that he didn’t want me living in his house anymore and was making some excuse that he wanted his own space. We currently have a 10 week old puppy that we share but it’s difficult for him because with the living situation I’m dealing with, they won’t allow pets and it sucks not being able to see my dog.

I’m having a big feeling that he might be cheating but I can’t convince him because I have no proof. He doesn’t answer my calls frequently when it comes to certain things. He always says he is at work but I think he might be lying to be about that and every time I ask if I can move back in with him, he keeps avoiding the question or doesn’t text me back about it. I have a feeling that he may be sneaking girls in his house behind my back and I just need answers from him. How can I save my relationship by communicating with him without arguing or him not responding back to me? Please help.

ALLIE’S ANSWER

Unfortunately, it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to tell you that he’s moved on from this relationship. He’s already asked you to move out and is avoiding you. I know this is difficult to hear but don’t let this bring you down. Be strong! You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. You deserve to be with someone that will treat you right and appreciates you.

XO,
Allie



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I Cheated And Don’t Know What To Do

5/2/12

Dear Allie,

I am in love with a woman. Let me mention, I’m a female and she has never dated a female before.

When we first started seeing each other, she would express to me how much she was into me. It was too good to be true, I thought to myself. So I asked her to get my name on her body; she did it but still, I was like “this is too good to be true” because she was everything I wanted and more.

To make this quick, I cheated on her and after that, she switched her whole demeanor. All she does is curse me out and gets mad at petty things. She doesn’t clean anymore and rarely cooks; it’s terrible. She hasn’t introduced me to her mom yet. She rarely tells me she loves me. I do everything in my power to please her. When we are on good terms, it’s great. Her excuse to me is she’s afraid of getting hurt again because she felt like she did everything she was supposed to in the beginning and I turned around and cheated so she says it’s going to be the same outcome whether she treats me good or bad. I love her a lot and I really want to be with her but I don’t know what to do.

I admit I cheated a few times only because I feel unwanted. She tells me she just wants to mess around with me and not be in a relationship but she practically lives with me. Deep down, I feel she cares about me. But I’m not 100% sure what to do. She means the world to me. She is also in contact with her ex, which she says they are just cool.

Like I mentioned, overall, she is great. She doesn’t party or go missing. She’s very strong-minded. I’m so confused on what to do. I have cheated a few times like I’ve mentioned and when I did cheat, I did it in our bed.

She seems to be scared that I might hurt her. I don’t know. If she doesn’t want me, why stick around? I don’t have anything financially. All I have is my apartment. If she needed to stay anywhere, she could, no problem. Help me. I’m just so confused.

ALLIE’S ANSWER

You obviously hurt her a lot when you cheated. Her entire demeanor changed, which is to be expected. It sounds like she was falling in love with you and you broke the trust between you two, with your cheating. Trust is like a piece of paper, once it’s crumpled, it can’t ever be perfect again.

It sounds like you need to take some responsibility for your actions and let her know that you are taking responsibility and that you will do whatever it takes to regain her trust. The fact that you say that you only cheated because you felt unwanted is you not taking responsibility for your actions; you’re wanting to blame this on something else. Let’s remember that you chose to do this. There are better ways to deal with your feelings of unwantedness than by cheating on your girlfriend.

On a positive note, the fact that she’s staying around probably means that she sees something in this relationship that she doesn’t want to let go. It’s going to be a long road but if you can slowly regain her trust and she can move forward with forgiveness and put this behind her, your relationship could end up stronger than ever.

XO,
Allie

P.S. Get a new bed, new sheets, new blanket, and some new pillows. Trust me.



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My Man Is Addicted To Texting Other Women

12/15/11

Dear Allie,

I have been dating a man for about one and a half years. Things were going great. I moved in about ten months ago. I love him so much. I know he loves me too. But, he has an addiction. The addiction is text. He is texting other women. He constantly says that they are friends. Or he changes the subject. He has constantly avoided the conversation and denies it all. When I bring it up, he tells me he loves me but has never admitted to doing it. He has come home three different times with scratch marks on his back. He has said it is just dry skin. He says he loves me and wants a life with me, but my accusations are getting to him and he can’t take it anymore.

Lately, I have been accusing him more of it. He has said I am crazy and need help. He says he just wants one time where he can walk out the door and not be accused of anything. He also says that I have a GPS on him and that I do not give him his space. I am so confused and don’t know what to think. On one hand, maybe they are just friends. But, do you tell friends that you love them and accept inappropriate pictures of them?

I don’t know what to do or to think. The thought of coming up here for nothing, leaving my friends and family for nothing, makes me sick. I have put up with a lot in my life. But I can’t put up with another cheater again. Do I believe him? Do I give up on everything that I have worked on for something that maybe he is telling the truth on? I just don’t know what to do!!

ALLIE’S ANSWER

I feel that sometimes we are so blinded by our love for a person that we start to lose sense of reality in fear of losing that person. I absolutely do not doubt that you two love each other but point blank, your man is cheating on you. He is texting other women! That’s cheating! The real question is: What is he doing behind your back that you aren’t aware of?

He has scratch marks on his back, accuses you of having a GPS tracker on him, gets inappropriate texts and pictures from other women, and tells you that YOU’RE crazy because you suspect something fishy is going on. These are telltale signs of a cheating partner. Of course you are going to suspect something fishy is going on! He has all of the signs of fishy behavior!

A woman’s intuition is very strong. The reason you’re accusing him of cheating more than usual is because you KNOW he’s doing inappropriate things with other women and not being truthful with you. Friends don’t text each other inappropriate pictures but secret lovers will.

Cheaters will deny, deny, deny, even when they are caught red-handed! Don’t believe his lies. I know how hard it can be to walk away from a relationship you’ve invested so much time and energy into but the sooner you walk away, the sooner you can move on with your life. You deserve a man who will appreciate you.

XO,
Allie

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