Ask Allie- Is My Gut Instinct Right About My Husband’s Behavior?

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Dear Allie,

My husband and I have been together for 10 years.  A few months ago, I discovered that he had been texting a girl he works with and received some pics as well.  Well, he swears that they were just friends and not even that anymore.  There have been some lies including even her name, that she got fired, and several other things.  

Well, we separated for about a week and he changed his passwords to everything.  When I would call, sometimes he would give me the run around about where he was.  He even seemed to get me confused with someone else while texting and start talking about things we were not talking about.  I even caught them at the same place together trying to leave at the same time, which he lied about too and tried to say he wasn’t there even though I saw them with my own eyes.  

All of this is complicated because we do have two kids together.  He tries to make me feel like I am imagining things and that there is no relationship with the other girl, but my gut says it isn’t.  Could I be making more out of the situation than there is to it?

-A Worried Wife


Dear Worried Wife,

There is something fishy going on between your husband and this other girl.  You have already caught your husband in several lies about this one specific girl and caught the two of them at the same place together leaving at the same time.  He has managed to get you confused with someone else while on the phone with you & while texting you (even though you are his WIFE of 10 years and you two were only separated for 1 week)!  You are not crazy; you are intuitive and picking up on “facts” that don’t add up in the stories he is telling you.

It takes a great amount of mental and physical energy to carry on a secret life.  It is so easy to get conversations and events confused when you are having to keep track of two lives in addition to all of the lies that have been told.  Cheaters will always deny, deny, deny!  Even when you give them undeniable proof, they will still try to lie (as seen on numerous cases on our show).  A cheater is a liar and a liar is going to lie.  

While I cannot say that your husband is 100% cheating on you (& only because there is no hard evidence of the affair, for example, video proof, audio recordings, phone/ text message records, etc.), all of the signs indicate that your husband is engaged in an inappropriate relationship with this other girl because otherwise, there would be no reason for him to lie to you and act this way if the relationship was appropriate.  If you want to find out the truth as to what really is going on between your husband and this other girl, the next step is to collect your own evidence (always abide by your individual state and/or country’s laws regarding evidence collection).  Keep in mind that our gut instinct is right almost 100% of the time.

Many couples are able to survive infidelity and come out even stronger in the end but the truth has to be out in the open first.  I wish you the best of luck.

XO, Allie

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