Am I Just Paranoid Or Is He Cheating?

10/15/12

Dear Allie,

I have been married to my husband for two years. Recently, I found out shortly after my birthday, I was pregnant. I’ve been pregnant before and it did not end well, so we have been scared for what may happen.

One night, around three weeks ago, I had fallen asleep in our living room on our sleeper sofa bed whilst watching “Doctor Who.” My husband usually messes around on the computer when this happens so I continued to sleep, figuring as long as he was entertained, I was free to sleep. I had probably been sleeping for a couple of hours when I hear what sounds like an instant message noise. You know, that little annoying “bleep-bleep-bloop” noise. I got up, looked over and saw a conversation with another woman about being in her bed. This was on the “Tagged” website. Funny thing is, he did not even seem to notice me nor care I was sleeping right next to him. I watched the conversation progress and finally I physically attacked him, which I regret. I was pregnant and feeling very betrayed. When confronted, I asked him to leave and he refused because he was only “trying to make friends.” While that conversation did seem to be flirtatious only on his part, it still hurt a lot. The same day in the late afternoon, I found text messages from a girl named Krystal on his phone saying, “When you are a big time certified engineer, we will need to hook up ;)

I feel like I know for sure what is going on but I feel crazy, like I am trying to find something wrong, or maybe being pregnant is just getting the better of me. It isn’t just me, is it?

ALLIE’S ANSWER:

You aren’t crazy, it isn’t the pregnancy hormones and your husband needs to stop this behavior immediately because it’s completely unacceptable.  You have the proof you need of his unacceptable behavior so sit down with him and have a (calm) discussion with him about how this behavior needs to end and never happen again.  Best of luck to you.

XO,
Allie



Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net


5 Responses to “Am I Just Paranoid Or Is He Cheating?”

  1. Hanna ban says:

    I had something like that happen to me but my husband made plans to go to her house but he said ir was nothing Then i just found out hes Beem talking to another girl on the phone and lied to me about it i feel like im looking and i dont know what to do

  2. Maggie says:

    My ex cheated for years and finally divorced me. He married his long-term mistress almost immediately. I am being treated for trauma due to dv and chronic infidelity. I have not even dated yet and he is re-married. Therapy helps but not as much as I want. Yet, I cannot stand the thought of being with another man, I am too broken. Is there anything more I can do?

  3. westsideproduction says:

    If I find my wife’s panties smelling well (like good pussy), and have mostly white in color discharge, is that sexual? Does it mean she’s cheating? Or maybe fantasizing? hopefully not. She also convulses in her sleep with hands gripping or pelvic thrust, even as I write it I want to believe her telling me she’s always done that. I think she has we’ve been together for 4 years, but I don’t know…then I found her with skinned knees she said because her knees were dry…damn. Can I please be wrong? Our passion was the best I ever had, but when I came home after a year being gone, it’s different. Gone for daily to three times a week and just not intense except sometimes… If she wanted to leave me she would have right? I lost my fortune so it’s not money. We have a 2 year old gorgeous daughter, maybe that? I want to believe she loves me, bc she’s so beautiful and fine and great in bed she could have anybody… maybe she’s playing both sides bc she got caught by some1 while I was gone. How can I find out for sure when we’re together all the time?

  4. Joda23 says:

    My ex exhibited strange behavior and I have not had a way to process what happened. It is almost as if two men are speaking to me. He is a good man with a warm personality but he takes for granted the mating call. I mean if he is married I want know! I get text from someone who appears completely detached but estranged as if he knows me. My boyfriend who I remember was never shy or hidden. I just had all the information I needed but this time meeting him I am told to trust Jesus. I trust that but I then get a text that is sexual just out of the blue. I respect this man with all my heart. He has a way to be married devoid of the relationship that I miss. I just ask that he tell me and I never get anything just a start up like we have something happening. When he talks to me he is calm and kind. I feel bad because he was always a good guy. I have spoken to some women about him and was called a bitch. Yet the last time I talked I’d no idea that I would never see him again. I can’t reach him because it appears there are several voices answering the phone. I had a problem my other ex boyfriend was in the church that I attended and he was a cutter to the bone. I don’t know what to do I love him as God has asked me to. But I am not a cheater I hate married men and if it ain’t mine I really don’t want it. Some men are intrigued by taking a woman out of a relationship and I just think he hasn’t come clean. He helped me when I needed help and declined relationship. I agreed but there was always a text sent out that challenged what we did in person. I am his ex-girlfriend who last saw him in bed. Then I didn’t see him for thirty years. I didn’t break up only believed good things but I am again not in this thing and I know it is because double messages are too much for me. I believe him to be great but he even refutes that. I know he has a disability that his daughter told an entire group of people I would not be able to take care of him. I am hurt that a disability is what separated us. I hate he would not share and today I just feel that he may be dead to me. I just know if a good man were to be had his kindness, patience, and friendship were all I’d ever wanted. I took great personal losses because before he emailed me I loved my work and I was happy. I have been unable to recover my losses but I am much more passionate. I don’t want him to think I just ran away. I am celibate and I just want the relationship that can take me to church, paint, write, and party with musicians. I have a 30 year old daughter and I understand that he has a beautiful family. Am I too old for this type of hype? Also I have been looking for work and every interview is a non go because they won’t offer salary. If he has left a woman the one that called me a bitch I am sure plans financial attacks. I know my ex-husband would do this also but I haven’t agreed to be in the same room with him for twenty-nine years. I am lost wanting to date and mate do I have a cheater in my former Romeo? Sad in Detroit because my lover isn’t loving.

  5. Mimi says:

    Hi Allie I have a problem I been seeing this guy for almost a year and alot of his friends tells me that he is with other girl’s that I am not the only one he live’s an 1hr 1/2 away from me but comes every weekend I ask him about it and he said that if he is with other girl’s then why would he come all this way to see me for. Now the thing is he plays around alot with girl’s like talking dirty to them he said it’s just joking around but I told him I don’t like it but now here is the thing we have now been having sex with out a condom for the past 2 months and he talks about how he would like a kid but when he does have a kid he would like for the girl to sign a paper saying that once the kid is born he gets to keep the baby with him and the mom can visit here and there is he a player on am I just thinking to much cause of the things his friends be telling me…

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